Cold day

Today was the first cold day for Austin this year. Joe would have woken up really excited. He loved to make soup as soon as the weather got chilly. He had the best chicken soup recipe. mmm...

This has been stuck in my head all day. Coming home to an empty house that doesn't smell like delicious cooking is so fucking hard.

damn I'm tired of this. shit.

cheesy bacony cheese

Last week the macaroni and cheese at Hoover's made me so sad. It is damn good mac and cheese, don't get me wrong. I had leftovers, and the next day when I scraped it out of my to-go box it made actual squeaky noises. Which I think indicates extreme cheesy awesomeness.

But you just can't go out to some restaurant and get mac and cheese like Joe made it. My favorite time he made it was three years ago. We cooked a massive Thanksgiving feast with Joe and Jenn. Joe smoked the meats and made an enormous, oven-sized pan of his brilliant m/c. Jenn did pies, and Eric and I did a pale imitation of my Grandma's awesome rolls, plus sides. Joe's m/c was staggering. This enormous pan was probably four inches deep with his four-cheese, bacon, who-knows-what-all concoction. Lotsa browned crumb thingies on top. Ahhhh. The dude knew how to make it right.

Then in February we went over to cook a meal for Jenn and Joe, and sure enough, Joe whipped out some leftover m/c to add to the meal. He told us, as if he were giving us a priceless gift, that the secret to his mac and cheese was beer. Ah ha! It makes perfect sense.

Does anyone know which cheeses? How much bacon? What kinda beer? It might be something we need to work on together, rebuilding Joe's masterful macaroni and cheese. Or at least trying to. Then we can all sit around a giant pan of it and remember the amazing ways Joe fed us, with comfort food, disturbing humor, preposterous movies, music, and general crazy Joeishness. Sigh.

Another funny Joe story

While in college, Joe went on a date with a girl from one of his classes. Let's call her Jill. He said the date was okay, but a little awkward. Apparently, he was her first real date ever.

They didn't go out again after that and he hadn't seen her since the weird date. Apparently, she thought that making out meant they were a couple. She showed up at his dorm room on Valentine's day with a cross stitch that read "Joe and Jill Forever". Not knowing what to do, but feeling like he should give her something in return, he dug into his pockets and gave her a handful of change.

I don't think Jill knew how to take that. I do't know why. What girl doesn't want change for Valentine's day???

I like to believe that she ran away stunned and hurt, but then bought a coke and a snack from a nearby vending machine to console herself.

Funny story Joe loved to tell

Joe would tell me these funny, yet kind of mean stories about things he would do to his highschool girlfriend, Celeste.

This is one of my favorites.

Celeste, Joe and some of their friends went to an amusement park one summer day. Joe was never a fan of rollercoaters, especially ones that loop-dee-loop. He said they made him nauseous. Celeste didn't believe him and pressured him to go on the ride by taunting him and calling him a chicken. So, to prove a point, he went on the ride. After it ended, but before they got out of their seats, Celeste asked "See, now that wasn't so bad was it?" Joe then vomited in her lap.

I believe they all went home after that.

a Year from Now ...

Information from Dawn that will interest you good and wonderful people.

“I have created this site for people who are interested in helping with a memorial benefit in Joe's honor to raise funds for PSC research. PSC Partners has already agreed to partner with friends of Joe to make this dream a reality”.

Joe's father said:

I want the people who hear or read this to understand that the cancer that killed Joe didn't just pop up out of the blue, but is actually the culmination of a single disease process that started in his early teen years. A small percentage of the general population gets IBD (inflammatory bowel disease, either Crohn's Disease or Ulcerative Colitis), a small percentage of IBD victims get PSC (primary sclerosing cholangitis), and a relatively large percentage of PSC victims get a specific type of liver cancer. The PSC and liver cancer (cholangiocarcinoma) are relatively rare, and there is not much research money going in their direction...

"This should change"

"The fact is that Joe surrounded himself with amazing, talented, and generous people. Collectively we have the power to help this cause. Please join the community if you are interested. The purpose of this community will be to discuss and plan the memorial benefit.”
-Dawn

http://community.livejournal.com/hotbread/

Sweet People … this is a tremendous opportunity for us to really do something awesome to honor our dear friend, and to hopefully save other cherished “Joes” from the same struggles with PSC (and the PSC/Cholangiocarcinoma Cancer Combo). I can think of no better way to honor his memory and spirit, and I can certainly think of no better group of people with which to do so … If you join the community, you can read the communications between Dawn and the PSC Partners org.

Hooray!
@(-_-)@
-Devonie

The Candy man sure as hell can!

You haven't lived like Joe lived.

Perhaps my favorite quote from Joe is one he made a few days after Halloween. 2003, maybe? (edited by the safety of a fuzzy memory)

You haven't lived until you’ve been Willy Wonka, fucking an Oompa Loompa. Highly recommended.

Commune the LIVING FORCE!

(EDIT - seems my font was ridiculously small and hard to read. Thanks cookiecrook!) Now this should take up even more space on the blog, but I don't see a way to cut-tag it.

more silly-fun Joe conversations … (is there a way to cut-tag this stuff?) I guess I’ll just lay out this nerd-ass stuff right here.

hi Devonie...
The other day, I discovered the most delicious licorice candy I have ever eaten in my life. I thought of you, because I know you like licorice. It's called "Kookaburra" and it's awesome. What is it with Australians and licorice? They know how to do it RIGHT. I got mine at Central Market. I think I'm going to send you some next week. You need to try it. Hope you are well, having a great weekend, and not too busy to enjoy life.
-Joe

Joe-
Zane is on my computer.
He said, "Who's asking what a nice girl is doing on the internet?"
I said, "Whaaa??"
He said, "Texapocalypse"
I told him it was you.
Heh - So ... FYI, Zane is signed on to my computer and my AIM is evidently on.
-Dev

Dev --
So I have the perfect opportunity to really, really creep him out now.
-Joe

Star Wars talk ... (we had a lot of this … a lot a lot a LOT!!)

Devonie --
Doing well. I guess my midichlorian count is somewhere in the level between Darth Maul and Saesee Tinn. Still having weird food cravings and my appetite is going through the roof. Too bad I'm not actually craving anything HEALTHY, it's always gotta be burritos and fried shit.
-Joe

Joe,
Anyone who doesn't enjoy this movie has some kind of fucking brain damage.
-Dev

Hey Devonie --
Anyone who doesn't like it is a world-class asshole.
For real. I just can't wrap my brain around folks who naysay!!
-Joe

re: Star Wars – and the crying:

Devonie --
on opening night; Jenn and I just sat there during the closing credits, mouths hanging open, not saying anything. I remember during the final sunset scene, thinking to myself, "AW FUCK, THIS IS IT, NO MORE STAR WARS!!!" and that's when I started crying.
-Joe

Joe,
Zane says to me, "Mom - were you crying?" I said, "Yeah - you know, a little. I love these movies. This is the last one." He said, "But you're CRYING?" I said, "The first time I saw Star Wars I was seven. I've been in love with this story ever since, and as you know - that equals to about 114 years, give or take." He was thrilled to go see it. We held hands at the beginning and when the crawl started, he squeezed my hand and said, "Here it comes Mom!!" And shit like that makes it even more awesome. The excitement of it all. It's a good time. Down with the haters!!
-Dev

Devonie --
When the movie started for us, it was like with you and Zane. I looked at Jenn, she looked at me. We're like, "HERE WE GO!!!" It's like a ride at Disneyworld or something.
-Joe

Joe,
Yes – it's a total Disney Ride! The build up, the whole rollercoaster climbing into the clouds feeling - about to hit that big super heart-in-the-throat stomach flipping DROP!! Yes – that's what the crawl does to me. Love the crawl, in all it's old-school glory.
Yeah – when he walked in on the little jedi-babies and that little fresh-faced little Anakin-of-old kid approaches him. I was a little caught off guard. I was thinking, he'll probably just leave them there or something, or maybe tell them to hide or FUCK HE'S GOING TO KILL THEM ALL!!!!!! Amazing. Sad. Disturbing. That whole disturbing betrayal and massacre of the Jedi was TOUGH. Ugh. I loved the shot of the helmet being lowered. I loved how it made that exact same sound in the old movie, too. That thunk-ping! Creepy vacuum sound. Love that shit! I just get chills thinking back on the movie. I cannot wait to see it again.
I cherish our Star Wars talk, I really do.
-Dev

Devonie –
(watching bootleg) And shit, I'm watching the video right now... the part where they shoot Ki-Adi Mundi!!! And then they shoot that green Jedi chick while she's down!!! And the music! It's just so sad! All these Jedi get betrayed like BITCHES and they look so surprised. It's just such a sucker punch! I was glad when Yoda decapitated the dudes who tried to kill him. Oops, the slaughter of the younglings just came on. That part made me cry, seriously. That is when you know Anakin is beyond any help. It is probably the darkest moment in all of the Star Wars movies. HE SLAUGHTERS THE LITTLE KIDS. And the music is soooo good there, too.
-Joe

Follow up email:

Devonie –
I wish I could hook up with you guys and watch the movie with you!
Maybe we can, sometime this summer!!!
So... maybe you'll enjoy this nerd-ass shit. I've been writing notes as I've watched the movie. Just my thoughts on various shit. Whenever I see something interesting in the movie, I've written a little note.
I eventually want to compare the movie to the original screenplay that I read -- they edited the FUCK out of the final cut to get it to move faster! There are LOTS of missing scenes in the original screenplay. Anyway, here are my notes (attached). They don't go all the way to the end of the movie, because I'm not done transcribing the notes yet.
-Joe

Joe,
LOVE THE NOTES!!!!!!
Well - would that "creating life" thing sort of give credence to that whole immaculate conception theory with Anakin's Mom? Or hell - Maybe Darth Plagious spewed her with midichlorians the old fashioned way and just knocked her up? Maybe it's just bullshit? Maybe .. I don't know, I am not sure what that means, or what Anakin's "origin" is.
hmm... Maybe Shmi was a Sith groupie of some kind, who knows?
-Dev

Devonie –
OH YEAH ... I love that you can see the Death Star and TARKIN at the end of the movie!!! HOW COOL IS THAT???
dude... i just got an email from my brother... the movie BLEW HIS MIND... he wrote like a 5-page dissertation on Star Wars... he loved the movie! So, when can we see this movie together?
I feel a need to commune in the Living Force with you!
-Joe

:D

I see OJ!

This is just a small thing but very Joe-esque.

Joe and I (and Tom… and Mason) both worked at a Desktop Publishing service bureau in the early to mid 90s. In fact that is where I had the great fortune to meet him and share many wacky hours together. In June 1994 I was working my usual second shift output tech job when I got a call from Joe from home.

"Dude! You have GOT to turn on the TV!!!"

I went into the break room and did just that only to join the famous OJ Simpson/Al Cowlings low speed chase already in progress. Thanks Joe!

Unfortunately what I did not see at the time was the infamous “Mr. Higgins” incident on ABC news. But that’s about all Joe wanted to talk about the next day at work. It is a classic moment in the history of the media in this country so I certainly understand why Joe loved that so much. I can still hear Joe saying, " I see OJ, man, and he looks scared…"

The audio.

The transcript of this awesome moment in American history.

An analysis.

"A Different Kind of Shitty"

(Reposted from my Journal ...)

Letter to Joe, titled “A Different Kind of Shitty” (thanks chris9 for the line).

For the record – I’m not going to apologize for how long and / or sappy this is likely to be.

Joe,

I miss you already. So much. I’ve been talking to people about you and laughing and crying. I was going through photos and emails, dating years back. It’s been comforting, heartbreaking and awesome to relive all those moments, even those mundane things we would talk about that seem so much more monumental now, only because I want to capture each word you said to me, typed me or commented on this stupid journal, and hug it. You are such a delight to everyone who’s known you, and you have inspired so many to really rise above and learn things about love and friendship that we may have never learned otherwise. I know you have done that for me. I hope that you knew how much you were (are) loved, and how you will be missed. I’m amazed at the friend-collective that surrounds you and cherishes you; those beautiful people who were able to be there with you, holding your hands and feet, singing to you and enveloping you in an amazing amount of love when you passed, so fittingly to your favorite Beatles album. Amazing. Hearing about how it all transpired; so surreal and beautiful, completely fitting, and with a soundtrack that could not have been more perfect in any imaginable way, and it fills me with a weird sort of inexplicable happiness. This content sort of peace was not what I was expecting to feel – it certainly hasn’t been what I’ve been experiencing in recent months while you’ve been so sick. While I hate that you are gone from us, I am touched by all the strength and love that encircled you, and I feel certain that you drifted into a love-filled, beautiful sleep. You deserve peace and rest, free from all that terrible pain. You said in a big post, that you weren’t going down with a big-ass fight, and you didn’t. Your strength through this has also been inspiring. It’s unimaginable. Zane is sad. This is a first for him too. He keeps talking about you and wanting to do something. Today he decided that he wants to design and plant an “Octopus’s Garden” for you in our back yard, with pretty colors and various Joe-like things. Nina suggested we plant herbs because you and Jenn had trouble growing them. Zane is working on the design. He was looking up tumbled, colored glass on the internet tonight. As he told me, “you’ve only known Joe for part of your life. I’ve known Joe my whole ENTIRE life". I suppose I can’t really argue with that. He cried when I played “Yesterday” on the way to dinner with Nina and Brandon tonight. The Beatles are going to be hard to listen to, but it feels good to do so, and I think many people will feel close to you when they hear The Beatles, and especially Abbey Road. Back to Zane real quick - I wonder if you even know the impact you have had on his life. You would probably be surprised. He was so excited to hang out with you and Jenn back in November. You were going to build a subatomic particle chamber out of household items. You did warn me that it would be a “tiny bit dangerous”. You emailed me back and said:

“While you're partying, Zane will be playing with radioactive isotopes and cryogenic vapor. -Joe”

Turns out you were missing an item of some kind, maybe your shipment from Chernobyl hadn’t arrived on time?

In further email goodness that I was torturing myself with; I ran across a back-and-forth email we had about your health issues. This was shortly before the shit hit the fan the first time. Many of our emails were rife with some of the most foul language ever uttered or written in any form. Here's a note from me to you:

"Joe, You've overcome so much that this is going to be gravy compared, so fuck it. This is nothing. This won't get you. This jizz-guzzling, cockpunching, fucktastic, shitspewing procedure doesn't stand a motherfucking chance, so whatevs. You need to add "hospitals" to your (insult) generator and let me fucking contribute to that shit. -Dev"

And you responded with,

"On Thursday, I'm going to whip my bitch-ass bile ducts and liver into complete submission. Then I'm going to headbutt a doctor, explode an oxygen canister, and I might even rape a nurse on my way out of the flaming wreckage of what used to be a hospital. Look for it on the news -- the crawling subtitle onscreen will say something like "JOE'S PROCEDURE A SUCCESS; SUBSEQUENT RAMPAGE DESTROYS HOSPITAL, BLOWS NURSE'S MIND -Joe"

And these emails are going to soothe me; you have no idea how I will cherish these. I have a lot of them, and they’re all brilliant and hilarious. I’m so glad I have them.

Here’s one of your notes that I love:

"What the hell is up with the universe?
I swear, I'm going to find a way to get my Insult Generator to send
long strings of intricately profane insults DIRECTLY TO GOD.
It will be the most blasphemous computer program ever written (other
than Windows 95)
-Joe"

And after your gorgeous benefit event last summer, you said:

"I just wish I could have stayed later at the benefit thing last month. Every time I see a picture of you guys it makes me want to throw a big party and invite you. Or show up at your front door with fireworks, booze, and large containers of fried food. And whipped cream, which you could then apply to my wife's crotch, as is your way.
-Joe"

Ah the sick humor. I will forever get joy out of that gift of yours. You emailed me on my birthday and I wrote you back, telling you that I was as old as Yoda. Your response to me still makes me laugh:

"Devonie,
(voice of comic book nerd)
As old as Yoda? Heh, I do not THINK so. In the Star Wars universe, no one knows exactly how old Yoda is, but most agree that he is at least 700 years old. No one even knows what race he is. Although in the Expanded Universe series, it is said he is a "Whill", a race that recorded the early history of the Republic, including the first Sith / Jedi battles. So it is highly unlikely that you are as old as Yoda. Happy Birthday anyway. -Joe"

You will always make me laugh. Your sense of humor is a huge contributor to my being able to cope with your absence. I am comforted by your words, your warmth and boundless hilarity. Thank you for making this easier on all of us through your sense of humor. You know - Tonight, we were having dinner with Nina and Brandon, enjoying conversation and talking about you, and their visit with you and Jenn and everyone at your house yesterday. Suddenly the radio in the restaurant began to play Eric Clapton’s “Tears in Heaven”, and we all burst into some kind of laughing / crying, hysterically inappropriate fit, hearing your perfect imitation of Clapton singing “Would you know my name? If you fell out the window …” Yes – it seems you are already managing to somehow make inappropriate, ill-timed, sick jokes around your friends who just aren’t READY YET. How do you even DO THAT?

You are missed already, Joe. Missed hard and you're ridiculously, forever, loved.

-Devonie

Master Techie Mentor