Cold day

Today was the first cold day for Austin this year. Joe would have woken up really excited. He loved to make soup as soon as the weather got chilly. He had the best chicken soup recipe. mmm...

This has been stuck in my head all day. Coming home to an empty house that doesn't smell like delicious cooking is so fucking hard.

damn I'm tired of this. shit.

Finally!

(I posted this on LJ, but thought it appropriate to add here as well)

I can't believe it took this long... I honestly thought it was just never going to happen, but I finally had a dream about Joe. It was nothing horribly special on its own, and that's kind of what made it special. We weren't riding a lollipop train to chocolate marshmallow land. Jenn, Joe and I were having dinner together some place that looked like Earl Abel's in its better days but a bit fancier. We already knew Joe was sick, but it was that time period where we knew Joe was sick, but you couldn't tell by looking at him. We ate dinner and then Joe decided he was still hungry and fuck it, he was going to order a second course- of pork chops no less. I don't even know if Joe liked pork chops, I personally have never cared for them, so it was a weird thing my mind decided to go with. I thought this second course thing was crazy but I would just have to join him and order something too. Jenn thought we were both just nuts. And then my alarm went off the first time. And I cried and tried to force myself back into the dream. I could still see his face and hear his voice but I couldn't make the dream stay. I woke up crying. I didn't want to wake up back into this world. I wanted to spend more time at dinner with Joe. We were just having a normal conversation and a good time. Nothing dream-like about it. Except for our unnatural ability to consume a ton of food... which isn't that far from the truth. :-)
damn it.

cheesy bacony cheese

Last week the macaroni and cheese at Hoover's made me so sad. It is damn good mac and cheese, don't get me wrong. I had leftovers, and the next day when I scraped it out of my to-go box it made actual squeaky noises. Which I think indicates extreme cheesy awesomeness.

But you just can't go out to some restaurant and get mac and cheese like Joe made it. My favorite time he made it was three years ago. We cooked a massive Thanksgiving feast with Joe and Jenn. Joe smoked the meats and made an enormous, oven-sized pan of his brilliant m/c. Jenn did pies, and Eric and I did a pale imitation of my Grandma's awesome rolls, plus sides. Joe's m/c was staggering. This enormous pan was probably four inches deep with his four-cheese, bacon, who-knows-what-all concoction. Lotsa browned crumb thingies on top. Ahhhh. The dude knew how to make it right.

Then in February we went over to cook a meal for Jenn and Joe, and sure enough, Joe whipped out some leftover m/c to add to the meal. He told us, as if he were giving us a priceless gift, that the secret to his mac and cheese was beer. Ah ha! It makes perfect sense.

Does anyone know which cheeses? How much bacon? What kinda beer? It might be something we need to work on together, rebuilding Joe's masterful macaroni and cheese. Or at least trying to. Then we can all sit around a giant pan of it and remember the amazing ways Joe fed us, with comfort food, disturbing humor, preposterous movies, music, and general crazy Joeishness. Sigh.

Another funny Joe story

While in college, Joe went on a date with a girl from one of his classes. Let's call her Jill. He said the date was okay, but a little awkward. Apparently, he was her first real date ever.

They didn't go out again after that and he hadn't seen her since the weird date. Apparently, she thought that making out meant they were a couple. She showed up at his dorm room on Valentine's day with a cross stitch that read "Joe and Jill Forever". Not knowing what to do, but feeling like he should give her something in return, he dug into his pockets and gave her a handful of change.

I don't think Jill knew how to take that. I do't know why. What girl doesn't want change for Valentine's day???

I like to believe that she ran away stunned and hurt, but then bought a coke and a snack from a nearby vending machine to console herself.

Funny story Joe loved to tell

Joe would tell me these funny, yet kind of mean stories about things he would do to his highschool girlfriend, Celeste.

This is one of my favorites.

Celeste, Joe and some of their friends went to an amusement park one summer day. Joe was never a fan of rollercoaters, especially ones that loop-dee-loop. He said they made him nauseous. Celeste didn't believe him and pressured him to go on the ride by taunting him and calling him a chicken. So, to prove a point, he went on the ride. After it ended, but before they got out of their seats, Celeste asked "See, now that wasn't so bad was it?" Joe then vomited in her lap.

I believe they all went home after that.

Sinking In?

I have been thinking about what I wanted to write here for over a month now. I wanted to say the right things that would be a credit to what Joe meant to me. Unfortunately, I don't think I can put much of what I feel into words.

I think the first night I actually talked with Joe was at YiMay's during a Nintendo Night gathering, to which I'd brought an Atari 2600 collection of games. Joe kept wanting to play the old Atari stuff rather than the fancy-pants new games. After that, there were several times when Joe and I would go on nostalgic conversations about Sesame Street, the Muppets, Gigglesnort Hotel, Sid and Marty Krofft, or other strange phenomena related to being kids in the early 80s.

I think it was when Joe invited Jennifer and I to go out to Canyon of the Eagles for his birthday in 2005 that I got to know so many of the nice people that I call friends now. That trip was a great weekend getaway, and I still remember it fondly.

I was lying in bed the other night and not sleeping. The house was quiet, and for some reason, I thought about Joe for the first time in a while. I remembered hugging him that last time. I remembered that at some point while he was still able to walk around a bit, I made him laugh. In retrospect, I think I can see that Joe did what he wanted the way he wanted, without exceptions. I'm not sure if his death has really sunk in or not. I still keep thinking that he's out there doing his thing. And I'm still trying to put words to my feelings.

no-boil noodles are a lie!

dear joe,

a few nights ago i made lasagna from the recipe you sent me two years ago. it's still awesome, even though i always forget and buy an 8 oz box of noodles instead of 16 oz. i know you probably got it off the back of a noodle box or something, but whatever, it's perfectly saucy and cheesy, just like you. thanks.

love, jen